to make peace; adjust.
i mentioned last week that i was working on a little self love.
i’m trying a completely different approach to healthy eating and healthy living. i’m working on giving up guilt. it is obscenely harder to actually do it than just say it like a quote stitched on a pillow.
the minute i really thought about it, and honestly tried, it opened up to basically everything else in my life. i’m down on myself so often, maybe all the time, but it is so mild and so consistent, i barely even realize if it’s happening.
- i wanted to brush my teeth this morning.
- i should have blogged last night.
- why did i have those chocolates i was craving?
- why was i too lazy to fix something healthy for lunch?
- why did i let the dishes pile up?
it sounds silly to say it out loud, but any one of these things will take over my thoughts for a minute and make me feel like such a terrible person. the sad thing is, i’m not really embellishing. how hard on yourself can you be?
and when would it ever be worth it?
so. i am giving it my all. it would be impossible to fix this all the way. if i don’t actively think about it for 15 minutes, thoughts are already creeping.
but it feels so amazing any time i crush one of them and remind myself that everything is just fine. i haven’t done anything wrong, because all of these things are basically just choices. if i’ve made up a to-do list in my head, it’s really just that: made up. and when it comes down to it,
everything is just fine.
i have some people in my life that just love me so much. want the best for me. want me taken care of and happy. and i have to feel the same way. i should feel it even more than they do.
so i think the first one to fix is about healthy living and healthy eating. it makes up a lot of small decisions throughout the day, and a good amount of the negativity and putting myself down. but it doesn’t have to. if i do something or don’t do something or make a not-perfect decision or acted a little lazy, i’m just going to get over it. it doesn’t mean i’m turning into a bum or making nothing but bad decisions. i think maybe it will mean i can get on to the next good thing so much quicker. and now that i’ve thought about it for just this short amount of time, i can’t believe i beat myself up so much, over such insignificant things. a little shock to the system. i’m glad to finally have the clarity.